Abide With Me, Tis Eventide

On Easter I played Abide With Me, Tis Eventide. The words come from Luke 24, where Jesus’ disciples were walking on the road to Emmaus following Jesus’ death. A stranger (who is actually the resurrected Jesus) begins walking with them, and the disciples tell him how devastated they were. How all their hopes and dreams of redemption had been shattered with Jesus’ death, or so it seemed. Jesus tries to explain to them, through scripture, that this Jesus of Nazareth actually had fulfilled the expectations of the prophesied Messiah. Eventually the disciples reach their destination and ask Jesus to abide with them, since it was getting late. He agrees, and then breaks bread and blesses it with them, and only then do they realize who he is, and they question why they didn’t realize it sooner, since they had felt their hearts burn while he talked with them and shared scripture with them. 

This story and song pattern my feelings as of late with the Savior. There are many times that I have asked Jesus to abide with me because I’m overwhelmed with darkness and seemingly unmet expectations. I wonder how often he IS there, walking with me and teaching me, but I’m not recognizing him. 

I recently saw a thought by a woman who lost her husband about a year ago. She was sharing about how she has seen glimpses of his hand in the details of her life. Someone questioned how could she know that it was her husband influencing that moment? She said that she has to find hope in every single way possible, and when a solution appears suddenly in a moment of stress, she believes that is absolutely her angel in the details of her life. And if it's not? She said she still has every right to believe that it is. 

This past year as I've been looking for where God is in my story, I've recognized moment after moment of providence, where friends have stepped in right when I needed them, or I came across a message that was exactly what I needed to hear. I can't prove that these experiences are from God, but I'm choosing to believe that they are. And if they're not? I still have every right to believe that. What I do know is that when I live as though God is present in my life, I feel more empowered and full of peace. 

I hope that Christ's atonement will allow all our expectations to be met eventually. My continued hope and prayer is that I WILL recognize Jesus in my life more, and that he will abide with me.

Here's a video (it's supposed to be black--audio only) of me playing Abide With Me, Tis Eventide.

2022 in Books

2021: Radium Girls, The Woman They Could Not Silence, Island of the Sea Women, Many Meanings of Meilan, No Cure For Being Human, I Am Here, Robinson Crusoe

1. The Light of Days

It seems like nobody survived in this book. It was slow getting into the story because there are so many interwoven stories and unfamiliar names of people/places, but it was enlightening to learn about the Warsaw Ghetto uprising and acts of rebellion against the Nazis, which really aren't told often. A heavy, intense, but important read.

2. Girl Singer: An Autobiography

This was a pretty light-hearted book about Rosemary Clooney but also has insights into several other Hollywood royalty like Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Irving Berlin. She deals with some serious issues in her life--infidelity, drug misuse, psychosis, suicide. (Ok, maybe it just felt light after reading The Light of Days). Some swearing.

3. The Vanishing Half

I couldn't put this one down. Fictional story of white-passing Black twins and the way their lives separate and then converge through their children. Racism, transgender, some intimacy moments. Easy to read.

4. Devil in the White City

Mystery, Murder, Magic. Juxtaposing chapters of fun and death. A fair beyond my imagination, but nice to try.

5. Beneath a Scarlet Sky

I wasn't sure I wanted to read this 500+ page book, but the first page hooked me and I easily read it in 2 days. I liked learning more of the Italian front of WWII. The story (though not all true) is really unbelievable. Tragic in the end, but also incredible. It's not very graphic, but has a few swear words.

6. Becoming Madeleine

Biography of Madeleine L’Engle. Kind of makes me want to read her books now that I know they are reflecting of her life experiences, but I also feel like I didn’t like Wrinkle in Time much. She seems like an odd person with a brain that thinks much more wildly than I do. 

7. Built to Belong

I don’t feel like I relate to the issue being solved in this book. (I felt similarly with Ashley Lemieux’s I Am Here.) Pushed through because I hate quitting a book.

8. Black Boy Joy

One of my big struggles with reading is usually getting into the story. It may take a couple chapters to get invested in the story. That made this book hard in that each chapter was a new story. A few stories were not my preferred style and I was glad they were done in a chapter, but others I wished I could get more of because they were just starting to get interesting. 

9. Pachinko

This started with heavy bad language and ended with bad language again, but it was a pretty interesting story. It spanned, I think, 4 generations of a Korean family in Japan. It provided an interesting glimpse into the perceptions of the ethnic groups in Japan during WWII. There was a bit of sex scenes. Not sure I'd recommend this to others, but it was an insightful read.

10. I Dared to Call Him Father

It was interesting that I was halfway through story of a Muslim woman's transition to Christianity as Isaiah told me about his faith transition. It was so much more meaningful at that point. It was faith-building for me, but also opened my perspective into the challenges of faith transitions. 

11. Bridges

Came highly recommended. I'd say the last chapter (and the new chapter on mixed faith marriages) is the most helpful. The rest if maybe more helpful for boomers.

12. Dancing in the Mosque

This was interesting in light of the recent(ish) fall into Taliban leadership in Afghanistan again. It's heartbreaking and almost unbelievable what women in Afghanistan have dealt with for so long. I felt the stubborn passion in this mom sharing her story/her truth to her son via letters/this book, not knowing if she will ever be allowed to know him. 

13. The Hope We Hold (Jinger & Jeremy Vuolo)

This was a nice, easy read. I was searching for some positive examples of Christ-centered living and these guys are perfect for that. It was kind of interesting to get some behind the scenes of their TLC show and their lives.

14. Destiny of the Republic

Not a page-turner by any means, but a little bit interesting and I learned a lot about James Garfield, who seems like a great guy. He has some interesting connections with Abraham Lincoln and Alexander Graham Bell.

15. M is for Mama

I feel like this would be a nice book to have as a resource, kind of like the Simply on Purpose course. Just lots of quick advice and positive parenting tips to draw on when life gets you caught up. The end gets a little preachy, but I otherwise like the push away from mediocre motherhood to a more intentional and God-centered motherhood. I need that.

16. The Anthropocene Reviewed

Some interesting topics, some less interesting topics. It's interesting how some people are so into certain things that I just don't care about. I don't think I'd be buddy-buddy with this guy, but I like his idea of critiquing random facets of human life. We are weird, us humans.

17. Empire of Pain

This was a very detailed expose on Purdue Pharma. Its currency was intriguing to me--these events were/are happening as I've lived, not just some part of history. I wondered if my parents had heard about Oxycontin and the opiod crisis, or why I haven't heard more about it. I suppose it's because my circle doesn't have a problem with drug abuse, but still I feel it's important to have this increased awareness of this current societal issue. 

18. Bless This Mess (Hannah Brown)

A quick, fun read. It felt very sex-heavy, but that was an important part of Hannah's journey. There were a few surprising details I didn't know, but mostly fun to see behind the scenes what Hannah was thinking or going through as I watched her on the Bachelor/Bachelorette and DWTS. I appreciate her desire to reset her life and live a good Christian life. She seemed to want to portray all her "ugly" parts in order to help others feel good about being less than perfect.

19. A Reason for Faith

This came under recommendation from Becky Graf (to someone in the MOAT group) as a relatively non-biased book that felt most helpful in understanding difficult church topics. I skimmed ones that were pertinent to my heart right now. There are details that were new to me, but not much.

20. Minimalist Home

This was great as a distraction and a way to declutter my brain by decluttering my space amid all the busy thoughts I've had on my mind. It took me several months, but I would read a chapter and then go through that room. Fortunately, we're not too much of hoarders. Unfortunately, some people in my family (ahem, everyone but me) "need" a lot of things, so I can't quite clear out as much as I'd like.

21. Life of Pi

This was more philosophical than I thought a shipwreck story would be. I didn't realize until after I read it that it was a fictional story. The intro and epilogue make it seem real. Fooled me! The action of the story was fine, but it was the personal development that I liked. And now that I know it's all fiction, I realize there's a lot more philosophy behind each animal and what they actually stood for. Interesting...I may need to read it again with my new eyes.

22. Law of Love

I listened to this one, but I loved Steve Young's reading of it. He seems very passionate about the topic. It's his life's work. I definitely want to love people unconditionally, and it's definitely a principle that doesn't seem to be practiced very well a lot of the time. 

23. Untamed

This was a quick, easy read. A lot of "coming out" aspects relate to faith transitions, so it was interesting in that respect. She's a bit more extreme in some of her views than I am, but I don't mind hearing others' thoughts on race, gender, religion. A lot of swearing, though. Overall, I don't feel as "caged" in society as she has felt, so becoming untamed is less of a thing for me. Ironically, sometimes I feel like I'm made to feel caged by reading about someone feeling caged, but really I don't feel that caged. I've always lived how I want to live--thank goodness.

24. Leap of Faith

I had to pause halfway through on this one because I wasn't in a place to do spiritual reading. A lot of the book was summarizing the Book of Mormon, which was kind of unnecessary for me. I just wanted the commentary. It felt a little apologetic--coming from a place of faith. I'd like to get there, but I'm not right now.

25. Miss Me With That (Rachel Lindsay)

I love these Bachelor franchise autobiographies with behind the scenes insights on their season. It's interesting how much their life experiences ,that we have no idea about, influence their decisions on the show, like Rachel sending away Peter because he was triggering for her. The title tagline was a little weird, but I get the idea--rejecting stereotypes or people's assumptions about us.

26. Now What?

Focused, of course, on political differences, but applicable with all kinds of differences, including religion. It's interesting to break down human behavior the world's influences rather than just people's opinions on things. There's always so much more behind things people think/believe. This wasn't a very gripping book, but it's an important concept to apply.

27. Devil in the Grove

I had heard this story summarized on the Sharon Says So podcast with the author, but reading all the details was quite interesting. Also frustrating. The case, itself, was less about Thurgood Marshall than I expected, but the whole story and its background involve Marshall and the NAACP quite a bit, so it was a cool viewpoint on that area of the Civil Rights Era.

28. Just Mercy

This was so interestingly related to Devil in the Grove--falsely accused Black men in the South. I loved all the mini story cases in between chapters. It was a page-turner for sure. It makes me frustrated about the prison situation in the United States.

29. Claudette Colvin

Quick children's novel, the woman before Rosa Parks. Written by a Black woman.

30. Wangari Maathai

I remembered some of her story from when we studied Kenya, or maybe trees. Tree planter who helped her people through educating them about planting trees. Written by a Kenyan.

31. Patsy Mink

First woman of color elected to congress, Asian-American. Written by an Asian-American.

32. Courage: My Story of Persecution

A young adult's story of her childhood in Afghanistan. Not the most beautiful, linguistically, but these stories never cease to amaze me at how some of the world lives.

33. Elizabeth Smart: My Story

I couldn't put this one down. I've known some aspects of her story, but putting all the details together was stunning. She had some true miracles, especially in the timing of her being spotted and returned home. I am impressed with her emotional resilience after all she endured. I can not even imagine going through those experiences. 

34. Crucible of Doubt

I really liked this read. It seemed to approach topics from more outside the church than inside. It felt like the authors "get it" when it comes to doubts in the church. Each topic was spot on with recognizing common critiques towards both doubters and believers. It allows you to choose your side without judgement. 

35. Worth the Wrestle

Unlike Crucible of Doubt, this one felt more like a white-washed version of understanding faith crises. Everything was coming from a place of faith, which is not always where "seekers" are coming from, including Isaiah and myself. The concept is a yes, but the true understanding of the issue felt like a no for me.

36. Eight Dates

Isaiah and I don't struggle with communication, but we're at a point where it's nice to have structured serious conversations. Some chapters didn't have much to discuss (conflict), but others brought up some new things I didn't know he was thinking (trust). I can think of some people, like Dave & Yolanda, who could use these kinds of questions to force important conversations. It was helpful, at least, for getting us to slightly formalize date night, even if many of them happened at home. We did the first 3, wanted to skip 4 (money), and then had to return it before finishing the rest.

37. A God Who Weeps

Didn't finish yet...

38. The Office BFFs

I almost didn't read this since I realized it was the authors talking about their experience on The Office, which I haven't seen and don't care to. But I saw Sharon post that it's a fun read for anyone interested in behind the scenes of tv show making, so I gave it a go. It really was interesting! It almost convinced me to watch some episodes. I actually did YouTube some of the key scenes that were discussed because once you know the background, it makes the scene so interesting to watch. Fun read.

39. The Moment of Lift

Started reading...Melinda Gates' experience with supporting women

40. Caste: The Origin of Our Discontent

This left me feeling like America is crummy. Our awful history of slavery and subjugation of Black people and the way it feeds into society today...it's disheartening. It was also awakening to me to realize that not all countries perceive Black people the way we've been raised to see them in America. The racial divide is unique to us. How horrible is that? Not much was spoken about the so what--how can I help. At least I'm more cognizant of the problem now.

41. God is a Black Woman

I don't remember where I heard about this one from, but when I read the summary I was worried about it being non-faith promoting. It sort of was, but I read it when I was in a place to be able to digest it without taking it personally. Mostly, I strongly felt this author's view of "whitemalegod" is not who I believe God to be. I'd call her an extremist. But many of her ideas of God, evidenced to her through black woman god, are how I picture my God: nurturing, inclusive, loving, immanent, with me through trials, even female (Heavenly Mother). So I feel like she was just venting about white supremacy and calling it "god," which I feel bad is her experience with God. I do see black females a little bit differently now.

42. Power to Become (Bednar)

Didn't finish this...

42. How Will You Measure Your Life?

This book does not intend to give answers to life's problems, but rather pose theories that can help you predict life's outcomes. Follow this theory or that if you want success, etc. I didn't think the first section on career was very applicable, but I liked the relationship section and then the little bit at the end about life missions. It let to some good discussion with Isaiah about what we want out of life for ourselves and our kids. 

43. The Maid

Fun (if it's appropriate to use that descriptor), murder mystery of a seemingly autistic hotel maid. I'm not usually into fiction books, but this was a nice departure from my norm. Back in the day I liked mysteries...

44. Happily Ever After (Trista Sutter)

I wanted this to be a book about Trista's life, but it was a book about gratitude with small tidbits of Trista's life thrown in. So it was a little boring and preachy for me.

45. The Road to Roses (Desiree Hartsock)

This was one good because 1) Desiree has a strong religious background and I love seeing others succeed with strong faith, and 2) Desiree's bachelorette experience was a little controversial, so it was nice to have her explain her decisions with the background that allows us to understand why her decisions made sense. She seems to be a genuine person. 

Peek-a-boo House

Evan is sort of obsessed with playing peek-a-boo and hiding games. He makes the funniest faces as he ducks his head and keeps his eyes looking up, thinking you can't see him. He does it in the bathtub, on the stairs, around every doorway, and behind books or toys. Sometimes he just lays flat on the ground to hide. Such a silly kiddo. So when I saw this idea on icanteachmychild.com I thought it would suit Evan perfectly.

Peek-a-boo House
(Click here for the tutorial)

I love asking him, "Where's mama?" and watching as he opens the windows and points and says "da!" He doesn't have a complete understanding of who is "mama" and who is "dada" yet, but I can't blame him. I've just starting telling him, "Yes, I'm your dada."

Chocolate Chip Cookies

After failing every cookie recipe I've tried since moving to California, including my tried and true favorite chocolate chip recipe from my childhood, I was determined to make something better than just an "edible" cookie. I googled something like "chewy chocolate chip cookies". Then I clicked on Images. I scrolled through many, many pictures and finally clicked on one that looked exactly like what I was craving. The recipe looked a little strange. It involved something called the "jagged edge technique." It didn't seem like something that would end up being the best cookies on the planet. I went back to the images and scrolled through until I found the next picture that looked like the perfect cookie. Strangely enough, it was a completely different website with the exact same recipe. I thought I should try it.

They were large. They were chewy. They were delicious. I don't even have pictures because they were gone so fast.

But here's the recipe I followed. EXACTLY. Except I used milk chocolate chips because I love them.

Thick and Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

Photo by thequotablekitchen.com

Jogging Strollers and Central Vacuums

When my family moved to our new house in Highland we had a central vacuum system installed. I remember my amazement as I tried it out for the first time and realized it practically pushes itself! "I'll vacuum every time if I get to use THIS!", I remember saying.

I remember testing out the shiny, red BOB jogging stroller in the parking lot of IKEA. "This practically pushes itself!", I excitedly reported. This newer version of the stroller had large rubber and plastic wheels that could glide over bumpy trails. It was so easy to push; I was sure I'd go running every day.

It didn't take long for me to realize that--central vacuum or not--I was still just vacuuming. And--fancy schmancy jogging stroller or not--I was still just running. And I don't like vacuuming or running.

Isaiah Part III

Sunday was pretty chill with Isaiah--after church (where he knew about a billion people) we went to Arlington to walk around a bit. Sunday evening my home teacher made dinner for our apartment, so we went over to his place to eat and mingle. He made ham soup from the Thanksgiving ham bone. It was super good.

On Monday I had to go back to school, so Isaiah spent the day with Jake and Ethan, visiting the American History Museum, Natural History Museum, and the Capital. We met up after school. Then we both got dressed up all snazzy and went out to eat at Pentagon Row in Pentagon City. We ate somewhere nice and walked around a tiny ice skating rink that had fake snow blowing. It was very Christmas-y. We also walked around the huge Pentagon City mall, mostly because it was warmer than walking around outside. I don't remember what else we did Monday night. We probably just chatted with the roomies and each other. Then we took a long metro ride to the end of the orange line where we met up with Jake again. Becky picked us up and took us all to Dulles airport where Jake and Isaiah spent the night while waiting for their 6am flights home. I stayed with Becky that night and she took me to school the next day.

Here's some random favorite pictures from Isaiah's visit:

Yes, he is wearing my jacket.

The blue tongues are from the blue hot chocolate.

Don't ask about the licking pictures.

More Isaiah

On Friday Isaiah and I went to a few museums. First we saw the National Botanic Gardens. They were decorated with Christmas plants and a large Christmas tree. I wanted to take a cute picture by the tree but Isaiah didn't want to. So we took separate pictures.

Isaiah was clearly very happy about having his picture taken.

I tried to match the little reindeer plant in the background on the right.

After the Gardens, Isaiah planned to meet up with Jake--his best friend from California--and Jake's younger brother, Ethan, at the Air and Space Museum. Before they arrived we took a detour to the National Gallery of Art. We saw some very famous paintings by some very famous artists. One highlight was Ginevra de' Benci, the only da Vinci painting in the Western Hemisphere. There was also a lot of old Renaissance pictures that smelt old and looked cool.

Eventually we met up with Jake and Ethan and made our way to the Air and Space Museum. I knew Isaiah was looking forward to this museum, but I didn't realize just how much he is into bomber planes and air crafts and whatnot. He became such a little boy as he talked with his friends about the F14s and the B42s and the thrusters and whatever else was there. You'll have to ask him about that.

On Saturday we had an awesome group date planned with my roommates. First, we drove to the National Portrait Gallery and enjoyed the Normal Rockwell exhibit and the Elvis exhibit. Next, we all went out to eat in Chinatown. We went to an authentic Chinese place and had some good laughs there. Then Isaiah, RaeLene, and Jay--her date--and I went to the Wizards v Magic game at the Verizon Center in downtown D.C., right next to Chinatown. Although our seats were super high up, Isaiah and I took a detour to the front section for a little while to get a better view of superman. He's pretty big.

Dwight Howard from as close up as I could get.

See how big Howard is...and then notice that McGee is taller than him. What now?

The best part of the game is that they give you these 3D glasses for when the players are introduced at the beginning. We missed that part, but we got the glasses. I like this picture because I look super cool and Isaiah doesn't.